Some may ask why I my blog is Wicked Witch Writes.
Do I love wicked witches? YES!
Do I love Wicked the musical? YES!!
Do I see myself as outcast and misunderstood as a wicked witch? YES!!!
Those are the short answers.
The long answer is a year in the making. A year that has at some moments felt like an eternity and at some other moments it has felt as if I am in "ground hog day" repeating the same day over and over. A year of unimaginable lows and trials that I did not think I would be able to bare. Some days I would be so broken I would just cry in bed all day. My heart, my head, my body all ached from this one single moment. My heart aches for my children who are still dealing with the ripple effect of that day.
So let me tell you about a witch.....
* small disclaimer...if you have never seen Wicked....I may give parts of it away.
I have a friend who once told me he knew why I loved "Wicked" so much. His reasoning was because I was so much like the "wicked" witch Elphaba. To someone who has never seen Wicked, this may seem like a horrible thing to call someone, but to me who loves Wicked as much as I do and who knows it like I do this is a complement. The best I could ever recieve.
You see in Wicked the Wicked witch is good, she is just an outcast and misunderstood. All the good she tries to do is for not. No one believes that someone so green could be good. Rumors spread about her and her reasoning for doing the things she does, and the people of Oz believe the rumors over her. Even some people who knew her and knew her intentions, go along with the crowd.
There is a part when her best friend (Glinda the Good Witch) tricks Elphaba by having a house fall on her sister. Kind of a mean trick if you ask me. When Glinda realizes what has happened because of her, she feels remorse and tries to make it better but it is too late. She has changed and so has Elphaba and nothing Glinda can do can make it better for the Wicked witch. Because she is Wicked...or at least everyone thinks she is. Elphaba's only option is to leave, to never be seen from again, or as we know get melted away by a girl with ruby slippers.
I do feel a kinship with Elphaba. I know how it feels to be betrayed by someone who you thought was your friend. I know how it feels to to stand nose to nose and fight with your friend who betrayed you. Knowing that you both are doing what you feel is the right thing to do.
I am sad that because of my friends actions my life has been flipped upside down. That just like the Wicked witch my family is leaving our home, and starting over with the hope of being left alone and never being found again.
I also have the same love Elphaba has for Glinda at the end of the play, towards my friend. I am sorry for what has happened, but I also feel bad for her. I feel bad for her family and her children. Saying you are sorry is always hard, admitting you are wrong is even harder, and sometimes forgiveness never happens.
At the end of Wicked is my favorite song "For Good" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzrGFQysfYU There is a part that says...
"And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness for the things I've done you blame me for~ (Elphaba)
But I guess we know there's blame to share~ (Glinda)
And none of that seems to matter any more" (both)
It is so true. I know that both of us are at fault. I know I handle the situation the best I knew how. It may not have been the best way to others but it was the best way to me. I had to protect family. I also know my friend feels the same way. She was doing what she thought she was doing the right and she was protecting her family. I just wish it did not have to get so out of control. Sometimes it feels so much like high school all over again...with all the useless drama!
Everyone keeps telling us just to forgive and it will all be better. That is true to a point. Forgiveness is hard to give when someone keeps hurting you over and over. It is also hard to forgive when the other person will not stop trying to hurt you or your children or others who stand up for you. The forgiveness has happened...over and over and over. I knew that if I did not forgive her and others I would only be hurting myself. But forgiveness does not make the other person stop acting the way they are. Sometimes free agency really sucks. It would be nice to say I forgive you now act like you are a grown up!! I think that free agency directly effects forgiveness and that is what makes forgiveness so hard. It is easy to forgive the first time or even the second, but when the same thing happens over and over it gets harder and harder to forgive. I think that is why we must forgive, the first time, the third time, or the three hundredth time. It almost is harder each time, but it is also easier. I have found my self having more love and compassion for her each time she acts out and I need to forgive her again. Maybe the Lord is teaching me something about his love for me. No matter how many bad choices I make he still loves me, and cares about me, and forgives me with his whole heart!
Sometimes I wonder if Elphaba forgave Glinda? I like to think she did!!
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