First of all, if you would have told me five years ago when I was in the depths of Hell, that I would be were I am today I would have told you that you were NUTS! I was so sad, broken and it hurt to even breathe, someday's waking up and living seemed like such a task. A task that frankly I did not know if I was even strong enough to master.
I am not writing to talk about all the hurt and anger, I am over that....so OVER that!
Today as I CELEBRATE five years of a FABULOUS life, a life with trials, misunderstandings, forgiveness, loss, growth, joy and accomplishments, I am writing to give thanks for all of it!
(For today's thoughts, however, I need to give my friend who hurt me so badly a nickname. I am sure she does not read my blog, but I want her to have the respect she should have, and really I don't need to hurt her by calling her out. So for today her name shall be Yenta! Oh how I am so thankful for my friend Yenta, because of her I have been changed for the better!)
(For today's thoughts, however, I need to give my friend who hurt me so badly a nickname. I am sure she does not read my blog, but I want her to have the respect she should have, and really I don't need to hurt her by calling her out. So for today her name shall be Yenta! Oh how I am so thankful for my friend Yenta, because of her I have been changed for the better!)
It is interesting as you look back on a trial, or a situation you can start to see all the beauty in the darkness of that time. You can see the silver linings shining, through and the way the master has molded you into something better. As I look back I can see the masters hand in so many of the choices I had to make, the friendships I have gained and the person I have become.
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Five years ago in all my brokenness, I had a friend ask me if I wanted to take on a little side job cleaning mortuaries and office buildings. The pay was okay, I could do it while the kids slept and it gave me a chance to escape the craziness my life was in that moment. If only I knew how my simple answer of YES would change my life, frankly FOREVER!
I was put with a partner to clean with, little did either of us know how much we needed the other. Lori was going through a nasty divorce and I was every way, but right side up. She needed someone to listen to her complaints and so did I, and it was fabulous to be able to gripe to someone who did not know the other person we were whining about. Lori could tell me all about her ex-husband and I could tell her all about "crazy Yenta." We would talk even after our shifts were over, we would cry together, laugh together and cheer each other on.
I am pretty sure Lori is really just another one of my sisters, because we have that kind of relationship. I know if I called her right now, she would drop anything and everything to help me. She has helped me pack as we moved away from our old home, and unpack at my new home. She has cheered me on as I signed up for school, and held my hand as I cried through accounting. Lori is not only a friend, but a mentor, and a true example of Christ in my life. She loves with all of her heart, and she is a fantastic mom to three of the best Little Ladies in the world. Even now that neither of us work as cleaning ladies, we still remain best of friends.
I know that Heavenly Father placed Lori in my life at the exact right moment, for the exact purpose of being my friend when I was so unlovable and needy. I know that with out the chaos and turmoil going on in my life I would have never felt like I needed a little break. I would have never taken the cleaning job, and I would have never had the opportunity to meet one of my closest friends. I am so thankful for Yenta, and the craziness she caused, because without it, Lori would not be part of my life. I cannot imagine my life without my friend in it, she is truly one of the silver linings in a very dark time in my life.
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After Brent and I decided to move our family into my in laws basement, I really thought life would get easier. It did not. Yenta was still at her old ways, and many of my friends from the old neighborhood were still suffering. I thought our house would sell fast if it was empty and clean all the time. I always have a hard time remembering that my timing and the Lords are usually not the same. What I thought would be quick and easy because I followed the promptings of the spirit, ended up being over 15 months living in a tiny basement apartment. At the time I could not see the reasoning behind waiting and waiting and waiting. At times I even got mad at the Lord, lets be honest at times I turned my back on him. I did not understand his plan, I did not want to wait, I did not want to listen and I wanted to be the boss. As time moved on, I realized the reason it took so long.
WE NEEDED TO BE HERE!
We needed to stay in the neighborhood and the ward we were in. My family was growing and changing in fantastic ways. My children were thriving in their schools, and church callings. The friends my children have become friends with, have hearts of pure gold. They love my children despite their flaws and craziness. Even though our old neighborhood and friends are fantastic, and I still miss them deeply. This neighborhood has something special mixed in, and it has healed our hearts. It has healed MY broken heart.
We found a cute "little" fixer upper to get out my anger and aggression on, and start a new life in a place the Lord found for us. If my old house would have sold when I wanted it to, my new house would not have been for sale, and we would not be here, where we belong. It is all about the Lord's timing, not mine, remember. At times it is still challenging. I still miss my old friends, my old house, my finished backyard, and the life I lived, but I would not change anything. Despite what Yenta did, I still have my best friends from the old neighborhood, I have a beautiful house that needs me to love, and one day I will have a fantastic backyard, it will just take time.
My house is a lot like me, a little broken, a little tired, and she just needs a little faith and love and she will be amazing. This house, neighborhood, ward and new friends have healed my bruised and wounded heart!
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So back to that cleaning job, and how it has changed me. Who would have thought that learning to deep clean to perfection would change me in so many ways. That job actually lead me to go back to school! WHAT??? Yep, because of a cleaning job I went back to school.
One of the places we cleaned is a little company known as Lindquist Mortuaries. We usually cleaned at night when no one was in the building. It might sound creepy or weird, but dead bodies don't scare me, so it was no big deal. One of the main rules of cleaning is you need to leave the "real" employees alone. Don't talk to them, never touch their stuff, really just leave them alone. Well, let me tell you a little something about Funeral Directors, they think they are funny! They think they are the funniest people around, and they LOVE to scare the poor little cleaning ladies! Many of them would talk to us, tease us, and play jokes on us. They are supper great, and were always kind (unless they were scaring us), and even tried to help us out.
One of the funeral directors (even though he does not remember this), told me that maybe I should go back to school and become a funeral director. He would tell me this every time I would see him, so one day I looked into it. What do you know? Right here in little ol' Utah is a Mortuary Science program. I thought about it for about a few weeks, each time going into work talking to Lori and my funeral director friend Eric about if I should go to school or not. This was not an easy choice. I don't "need" to work, I have 6 kids, and really do I have time for school in my life? I fasted and prayed about it, and after another few weeks, I went and signed up for school, and I HAVE NOT LOOKED BACK!
Going back to school has done AMAZING things for my spirit and mind. I absolutely love school, I love to learn and I love that I am becoming something better than I was. School has not always been easy; housework, homework, children, and the hubby all seem to need me at the same time. I have had great support from Brent and my family, to my teachers at school, and neighbors that will help me with the kids if I needed it. I love my friends at school, there are only 13 of us in the program and we have become a family. We want each other to succeed, and be the best we can be. I now have 15 (I count my professors) friends I would never have met, had it not been for the situation with Yenta! Fifteen people who see my flaws and my mistakes and still want me to succeed. We will be friends forever, even though we work at "competitors" locations.
In 4 days I graduate from school with my Mortuary Science Degree! In a couple of weeks I will take my national board exam, and I will be a licensed funeral director!!!
Holy cow, I am a grown up!
It is often said that being a funeral director is not a job, but rather a calling. I honestly feel that I was blessed with this calling because of the situation with Yenta. I know what it feels like to have your world come crumbling down, I know what it feels like to not know how you will go on day to day, and I know how it feels to love something so much and to have it gone in a blink of an eye. This experience has made me better able to empathize with those families I serve. It has made me judge less and love more, and it has made me put my arms around someone, give them a hug and just listen. Even though I did not experience death, I understand grief and mourning a little better because of Yenta. Again, I am so thankful for the experience I had to go through, for the lessons I had to learn, so I cold be something better than I was before.
Now onto the future! I have been working at Linquist for the last 6 months, as a student precept. I am hoping that in a few short weeks after I take my national board exam I will be working there full time. I love the people I work with! I love the "boys club" I have been let into. I love how going to work has made me see the happiness in my life, EVERYDAY!! I have gained a new set of friends, too many to count, that want me to be a better me. They want me to be there, they see the potential in me, and they want me to succeed. I am so excited for the future, and what it will bring. I am so thankful for the experience I had to go through, so that I could have empathy and compassion for those I work with. With out the pain that Yenta put me through I would not have joy I have now.
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Oh, how five short years have changed me in ways I could not have even imagined! In the mist of all my troubles, and my sorrows President Monson told "me" about changing my sorrows and heartbreak into something better!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Five years ago in all my brokenness, I had a friend ask me if I wanted to take on a little side job cleaning mortuaries and office buildings. The pay was okay, I could do it while the kids slept and it gave me a chance to escape the craziness my life was in that moment. If only I knew how my simple answer of YES would change my life, frankly FOREVER!
I was put with a partner to clean with, little did either of us know how much we needed the other. Lori was going through a nasty divorce and I was every way, but right side up. She needed someone to listen to her complaints and so did I, and it was fabulous to be able to gripe to someone who did not know the other person we were whining about. Lori could tell me all about her ex-husband and I could tell her all about "crazy Yenta." We would talk even after our shifts were over, we would cry together, laugh together and cheer each other on.
I am pretty sure Lori is really just another one of my sisters, because we have that kind of relationship. I know if I called her right now, she would drop anything and everything to help me. She has helped me pack as we moved away from our old home, and unpack at my new home. She has cheered me on as I signed up for school, and held my hand as I cried through accounting. Lori is not only a friend, but a mentor, and a true example of Christ in my life. She loves with all of her heart, and she is a fantastic mom to three of the best Little Ladies in the world. Even now that neither of us work as cleaning ladies, we still remain best of friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After Brent and I decided to move our family into my in laws basement, I really thought life would get easier. It did not. Yenta was still at her old ways, and many of my friends from the old neighborhood were still suffering. I thought our house would sell fast if it was empty and clean all the time. I always have a hard time remembering that my timing and the Lords are usually not the same. What I thought would be quick and easy because I followed the promptings of the spirit, ended up being over 15 months living in a tiny basement apartment. At the time I could not see the reasoning behind waiting and waiting and waiting. At times I even got mad at the Lord, lets be honest at times I turned my back on him. I did not understand his plan, I did not want to wait, I did not want to listen and I wanted to be the boss. As time moved on, I realized the reason it took so long.
WE NEEDED TO BE HERE!
We needed to stay in the neighborhood and the ward we were in. My family was growing and changing in fantastic ways. My children were thriving in their schools, and church callings. The friends my children have become friends with, have hearts of pure gold. They love my children despite their flaws and craziness. Even though our old neighborhood and friends are fantastic, and I still miss them deeply. This neighborhood has something special mixed in, and it has healed our hearts. It has healed MY broken heart.
We found a cute "little" fixer upper to get out my anger and aggression on, and start a new life in a place the Lord found for us. If my old house would have sold when I wanted it to, my new house would not have been for sale, and we would not be here, where we belong. It is all about the Lord's timing, not mine, remember. At times it is still challenging. I still miss my old friends, my old house, my finished backyard, and the life I lived, but I would not change anything. Despite what Yenta did, I still have my best friends from the old neighborhood, I have a beautiful house that needs me to love, and one day I will have a fantastic backyard, it will just take time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So back to that cleaning job, and how it has changed me. Who would have thought that learning to deep clean to perfection would change me in so many ways. That job actually lead me to go back to school! WHAT??? Yep, because of a cleaning job I went back to school.
One of the places we cleaned is a little company known as Lindquist Mortuaries. We usually cleaned at night when no one was in the building. It might sound creepy or weird, but dead bodies don't scare me, so it was no big deal. One of the main rules of cleaning is you need to leave the "real" employees alone. Don't talk to them, never touch their stuff, really just leave them alone. Well, let me tell you a little something about Funeral Directors, they think they are funny! They think they are the funniest people around, and they LOVE to scare the poor little cleaning ladies! Many of them would talk to us, tease us, and play jokes on us. They are supper great, and were always kind (unless they were scaring us), and even tried to help us out.
One of the funeral directors (even though he does not remember this), told me that maybe I should go back to school and become a funeral director. He would tell me this every time I would see him, so one day I looked into it. What do you know? Right here in little ol' Utah is a Mortuary Science program. I thought about it for about a few weeks, each time going into work talking to Lori and my funeral director friend Eric about if I should go to school or not. This was not an easy choice. I don't "need" to work, I have 6 kids, and really do I have time for school in my life? I fasted and prayed about it, and after another few weeks, I went and signed up for school, and I HAVE NOT LOOKED BACK!
Going back to school has done AMAZING things for my spirit and mind. I absolutely love school, I love to learn and I love that I am becoming something better than I was. School has not always been easy; housework, homework, children, and the hubby all seem to need me at the same time. I have had great support from Brent and my family, to my teachers at school, and neighbors that will help me with the kids if I needed it. I love my friends at school, there are only 13 of us in the program and we have become a family. We want each other to succeed, and be the best we can be. I now have 15 (I count my professors) friends I would never have met, had it not been for the situation with Yenta! Fifteen people who see my flaws and my mistakes and still want me to succeed. We will be friends forever, even though we work at "competitors" locations.
(SLCC Mortuary Science class of 2017)
In 4 days I graduate from school with my Mortuary Science Degree! In a couple of weeks I will take my national board exam, and I will be a licensed funeral director!!!
Holy cow, I am a grown up!
It is often said that being a funeral director is not a job, but rather a calling. I honestly feel that I was blessed with this calling because of the situation with Yenta. I know what it feels like to have your world come crumbling down, I know what it feels like to not know how you will go on day to day, and I know how it feels to love something so much and to have it gone in a blink of an eye. This experience has made me better able to empathize with those families I serve. It has made me judge less and love more, and it has made me put my arms around someone, give them a hug and just listen. Even though I did not experience death, I understand grief and mourning a little better because of Yenta. Again, I am so thankful for the experience I had to go through, for the lessons I had to learn, so I cold be something better than I was before.
(Working hard with my buddy Eric)
Now onto the future! I have been working at Linquist for the last 6 months, as a student precept. I am hoping that in a few short weeks after I take my national board exam I will be working there full time. I love the people I work with! I love the "boys club" I have been let into. I love how going to work has made me see the happiness in my life, EVERYDAY!! I have gained a new set of friends, too many to count, that want me to be a better me. They want me to be there, they see the potential in me, and they want me to succeed. I am so excited for the future, and what it will bring. I am so thankful for the experience I had to go through, so that I could have empathy and compassion for those I work with. With out the pain that Yenta put me through I would not have joy I have now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, how five short years have changed me in ways I could not have even imagined! In the mist of all my troubles, and my sorrows President Monson told "me" about changing my sorrows and heartbreak into something better!
I have been rambling, sorry about that.
I think that it is because I need to let my friend know that I am thankful for her, and the person she helped me to become. She pushed me out of my comfort zone and into a place I felt out of control in. That push propelled me into a fantastic tail spin, that at times felt suffocating, but as I learned to put my trust in my Savior and his plan, I finally could breath again. I could see the beauty that came from this experience and the joy the pain has brought to me.
Long ago I forgave my friend Yenta for the pain she brought to me, but I have never publicly told her thank you. So thank you Yenta, because of you I have been changed for the better, I have been changed for good!
